| Well, I've been living up here for a while now. Things are going really well. I love Ron, he's very good to me. and I try to be the best I can be to him. But being up here has really made me think and remember things.. oh, where do I start..
I miss the things I used to do when I was younger. I remember.. so many things that I might never be able to do again.. Every day at school, looking forward to second period ending so I could go outside for break and hang with my friends.. Leaning against that wall, just watching everyone laugh and have fun.. Holding Johanna often to keep her from being lonely.. the quiet times between Lee and I when we were fighting, heh.. I remember learning how to play hackeysack well after Jeromy graduated and then not really having anyone to play with.. oh, and all the nights I was so immature, crying and cutting, listening to Nothing Else Matters.. or Blurry.. I cried so much..
I miss the first party I went to.. with three people. Me, Michael, and Lee.. Lee's birthday party. We played games and competed so hard.. fucked around.. watched some Van Helsing that quickly got boring.. and Michael spilled coke in his crotch. Remember that Michael? That was all the very beginning.. I remember it all. I miss inviting Michael over to my house, wrestling while my mom wasn't around, fucking with my computer..
I miss sitting in first period with Brandon talking about weird stuff and watching Jessica Estep ignore me and be the genius she is. I remember going to the office several times because Brandon and I were talking about Columbine and some bastard in front of us that was in from another class heard and reported us. Ah, that was fun. I remember my first kiss.. from that.. thing, Vickie, and the following events..
I remember Dual English, with Rick, Paul, and Kyle.. Rick and Paul always talking about that online game, Ragnarok.. oh, that was fun.. I loved that game, made me feel like I was part of something. I kinda miss college.. the whole campus was always sunny and beautiful.. Even when it was raining, the campus was beautiful. New people all around, new experiences, total freedom.. I remember meeting Ryan during my lunch after he left Math and he'd always talk about how lazy his teacher was. I was always listening to techno in those days.. so loud, just blasting out of my car, thanks to the techno CD's Rick made me.
I remember working at Sonic with all those fuckin stoners... and a few good people. Teresia, Jeanette.. <3. I remember when I went with Jeanette after work one night to Jason's house and I finally got to see Jeromy, Jason, and Cassy again after so long. I couldn't stay long, but it was fun while I was there. I wish I could have gone places with Jeanette more often.. I really enjoyed when we all went to Books-a-million and then Oxford Park.. not to mention I got to see Heather again there and I hadn't seen her since I went with Jeanette to the fair. Ah..
I always told Lee I enjoyed walking to Wal-Mart. Not only was it sunset and beautiful outside, it was just really enjoyable for some reason. Lee'd always turn the stereo volumes way up in Wal-Mart.. I always wanted to do it again, but alas, we never did. I remember riding in Lee's car while he drove to the gas station.. he hit a pothole and the top middle rearview mirror fell off and he tried to superglue it back on.. That was our day..
I miss Johanna.. I'd always be so happy with her, I felt like she genuinally enjoyed my company and I rarely feel that with someone. I remember when her and I first met, thanks to Samantha, I would always ask her if I was her friend yet.. and I had such a huge crush on her.. I never thought someone as amazing as her would ever be my friend.. I love you Johanna.
I miss all the country songs I grew up listening to.. I do like some of it, the songs I heard every week as a child.. Lucky thing though, they've been playing a lot of them at work on one of my co-worker's radio. I miss all my toys when I was a child. My mother got rid of almost all of them as I grew up.. I saved a couple of my favorite stuffed animals and some little shit, but most of it's gone.. something I can never get back..
I miss talking to all my best friends online.. Amanda.. Missy.. Paige.. Ky.. Jais.. Amy.. Seeta.. Adri.. I really don't talk to any of you that much anymore, and it saddens me.. I need to be more persistant in IMing you.. Especially you, Missy. I'm sorry if I've seemed distant lately. I've just been kind of busy. I hope you're doing alright.
Heh.. ah.. Jeromy.. I miss being the mediator between you and Jessica.. hah, oh was it a fun time.. She was pregnant every week.. I miss finding out about your life slowly inch by inch as I got you to tell me things. I was happy when we were the closest. It seemed like you could tell me anything, and you did a lot of times. I was glad I could give you someone to confide in. I was sad to see us grow apart, but I'm glad we're freinds again now. You're one of the most important people in my life.
The reason I made this post is just.. I'm so afraid that I'll forget things. Things that used to be important to me.. the things in this post.. I'm sure I've forgotten others.. This shit scares me.. I don't want to forget things like that.. So I try my hardest to hold on to everything.. unlike some people who just breeze through life exhausting everything and everyone and having nothing mean anything to them. One reason I've kept this xanga for so long is that this is a record of my life for.. what, 2 years? My prime.. I'm not gonna delete in favor of one with a better name.. XxXxXXBiPolAR_AnGel05XxXxXX yea, fuck that. I just.. don't want to forget anything..
I'm not saying I'm not enjoying my time in Pennsylvania with Ron, because I most certainly am. I love Ron to death, and if my time with him was ever cut short, I'd miss it dearly.. I don't know if I could handle it. I love you Ron. You're my guiding light.
[-=Tim=-] |
